 Click EasyEdit to add your favorite Nancy quotes (cite episode, if possible).
- "People got stoned for The Passion of the Christ? That's disturbing." (Episode: 1)
- I'm the suburban baroness of bud, Nancy.
- I'm not a dealer, im a mother who happens to distribute illegal products through a sham bekery set up by my ethically questionable CPA and his lawyer friend.
- You've made your bed now f**** in it.
- I don't give a flying F*** if you do have Cancer, put your t*** away in front of my kid.
- (Talking to Andy) "Get in there and finish frying your eggs, and think of a menu that includes pork-wrapped items. And wash your hands! All I need now is for the boys to eat heroin eggs for breakfast."
- Cop: "I thought you were getting your husbands ashes?" Nancy: "I forgot... We buried him."
- "Nice, Shane goes on a paint rampage, gets suspended. The two of you ditch school to f*** in my guest room. I've got everything under control."
- "Please tell me I didn't just hear that you had cybersex with a fifteen-year old deaf girl."
- "Andy, this is my business, it's nothing to do with you. Go downstairs and do what you do best, patrol the couch in your underwear."
- "Thug means never having to say your sorry..."
- "Silas, don't swear at your brother, Shane, don't antagonize Tara, Tara, keep savin' it for the Lord!... Where the f*** is Andy?!"
- " I'm a drug dealer, there, I said it, I'm a F***ing drug dealer."
- "Judah, If you're still here... I tried."
- Guillermo: " It's the Circle of life." Nancy: "Hakuna Matata"
- (to Celia) "Fine. If we regroup the group, you'll be in the group."
- (Referring to Why she is dealing) " I started selling so I could maintain my lifestyle... Not dismantle it."
- Nancy: "Let me rephrase. You sold me bullshit skank weed. And I can't move it and i want a refund." Heylia: "And I want an ass like Beyonce's. Ain't nether of us gettin' what we want."
- (After tripping Deven) "Deven, Honey, you should really watch where you're going."
- " I believe my brother-in-law's exact words were, "Dude, meed the finest jit with the finest shit."
- (To Doug smoking pot in his car) "Unless you want to go back to buying ditchweed from your house keeper's cousin, I suggest you put away the pipe, hide the open bag of pot and get your head out of your ass. What are you thinking?"
- (Talking to Doug) "She's from Ananeim not Bangkok, it's not like she can shoot tennis balls out her twat."
- Conrad: (To Nancy) " Are you calling all black people stupid?" Nancy: "And lazy and they also steal." Heylia: "But we sings and dances real good."
- Nancy: " I just heard a ten year old got busted. A ten year old! You're a Fucking liar. Josh: "The kid told me he wad 37."
- Nancy: "Give me a little respect, I'm the biggest game in the private community of Agrestic. Haylia: Drugs sell them selves biscuit, you ain't shit."
- Celia: (Whining) "Have you ever had sex with a woman?" Nancy: "None of your business." Celia: "Oh come on, tell me..." Nancy: "Ok, I slept with a woman in college once. Celia: "How was it?" Nancy: "Boring" Celia: "Well maybe you didn't do it right." Nancy: "She said it was the best she'd ever had." Celia: "What are you doing Friday night?"
- Conrad: "How you doin?" Nancy: "Me? If this doesn't work out, I could end up being the oldest Gap employee in Southern Colifornia."
- Nancy: "But most of all, I didn't Xerox your license and put it in a state controlled databank." Doug: "What? I'm in a databank? Nancy: "You sure are. So when your wives find out and divorce you, they'll get custody of your Children because their overpriced attorneys will be able to prove you're nothing but a bunch of irresponsible pot heads who can't be trusted? Doug: " I'm in a databank? Dean: "Celia would have a field day with that." (Nancy nods) Doug: "I - I - I'm up for Council re-election, I can't be linked to any pot clubs. Any of you guys know any good hackers?"
- " I know, you're thinking "she doesn't look Jewish." I come from welsh stock, actually. Lotta coal- miners in Wales, not a lot of Jews."
- Nancy: "Talk to Shane about jerking off." Andy: " I'm all over it."
- (Nancy is banging on a pot and singing into a microphone Horribly "Pally Wally Doodle") Shane: "Stop, you have to stop." Andy: "Yeah Yeah Stop" Nancy: "Not until Silas comes out, this is my invasion of Panama" Shane: "Like when we got the canal?" Andy: "No, What do they teach you in school?" Shane: "How to pass the weekly standardized test to get the school more funding."
- (To Shane) "Go to your mediocre Public School"
- Nancy: "There's global warming, unless you want the planet to dissolve in one big ocean." Shane: "Global Worming is just God's will, I liked the Range Rover, that car is gay!! Nancy: "Don't be ignorant just because it's in right now."
- (Talking to Sullivan about the assistant job.) "Oh I don't do porn so much anymore I found it very tiring."
- Nancy: (Seeing Celia in her kitchen) "Oh Jesus, you scared me." Celia: "Good. I hope you peed yourpanties... Where is he?" Nancy: "Who?" Celia: "All right, I guess you have to ask that. (Imitating Nancy) Who Celia? The one who called you a drunk at a public assembly or the one who stole civic property?" Nancy: " I have no idea what you're talking about!" Celia: (Pulling a tape from her bag) " I have Silas, on video, stealing." (Nancy takes the tape, throws it, and smashes it with her shoes.) Nancy:Nancy: "Oh not today!" Shane: (Coming in the Kitchen) "Mum, we're gonna be late" (he sees Celia with a gun, Nancy takes him down with her) Nancy: "A Where the hell did you get a gun?" Celia: " I've borrowed it from pen." (Celia shoots in the wall. She's all excited) "Oh my God!" (She calmed her self) " I only had one bullet, I was gonna shoot Doug. I'll see you at graduation." (She takes her bag and leaves) " I have no idea what you're talking about." (Celia pulls a gun from her bag)
- (Nancy opens the door) Kat: "Kat!" Nancy: " Yow lost your cat?" Kat: " I'm Kat. You're Nancy, right?"
- Silas: (On the phone with Nancy) "Hi Nancy." Nancy: (While U-Turn and the Armenians are pointing their guns at her) "Hi... did you take something that doesn't belong to you?" Silas: " I want in." (Nancy sighs, Silas has her weed in the back of his car, Celia arrives in a police car) Celia: "That's him! That's the little fucker who stole my cameras! Arrest him!" Silas: "Shit" (Silas hangs up. Nancy has to hang up too, five guns pointing at her...)
- Nancy: " I've got bills! How am I supposed to put food on my table, if you keep upping my debt!" U-Turn: "Get a Fucking job."
- (After Nancy goes in a Latin Club) "Hola. U-Turn sent me. I'm supposed to pickup a package." (The barman stares) "U-Turn... Para Obtengo el Paqueto..." (Keeps staring) " Any chance you speak French?"
- Nancy: "Tim's kind of a dickhead." Valerie: "Fuck you, I love my son." Nancy: " I'm sorry, Of course you do." Valerie: " I love my dickhead son."
- Silas: " I'd like my phone back." Nancy: "No, as I told you before, I've other plans for you. Coming with me to the growhouse tomorrow." Silas: "Should I be excited about this, ot is this like, punishment?" Nancy: "This is also like, a way to learn about a business from the ground up. Literally. this is also like, away to keep you occupied so you don't, like, go off and do something else, like, stupid. Like get it?"
- (To Silas) "We don't shit where we eat... or eat where we shit... either way. Words of wisdom."
- Shane: (Talking to Silas) "That's right, I'm a big fag so you can suck my dick. Please can I come with you, Mom?" Nancy: "No, honey. I need some alone time and you just told your brother to suck your dick. Gross!"
- Andy: "Are we gonna die tonight?" Nancy: "Probably not." Andy: "Still, we could. Let's say thoughtful things about each other." Nancy: "You're a good person. You've really stepped up for the kids. You make me laugh. I'm glad you're part of the family." Andy: "I miss Yael." Nancy: "Thank you. Andy. That's very sweet."
- Guillermo: "I had to smother a guy with a pillow once. My arms got tired, you?" Nancy: "Not so much. It was Tempur Pedic. Conformed to her face."
- "Oh you think there's a tiny little immiarant stuffed in my lipstick?"
- " I've had a particularly challenging last 24 hours, but in the drive-through at Popeye's, I found myself saying, "Family Combo, please!", and it was a moment of clarity."
- Celia: " I want my tooth back." Nancy: "You don;t get your tooth back. I keep your tooth. I drill a tiny hole in it and wear it around my neck. I become your God."
- (TO Celia) "Try not to look Homeless....."
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Sullivan Groff
