Crockyhouse | My favorite Weeds quote:
Silas: C'mon, think of the time this'll save us on foreplay! You just whisper ''Shoot me in the optimum kill zone'' and I'll be good to go!
Quinn: I could whisper ''linoleum'' and you'd be good to go!
| Said by: Silas
| Said by: Quinn
| | Weeds Season 1 Episode: You Can't Miss The Bear (1.01) | | |
Username | | My favorite Weeds quote: Alright, listen closely, I'm not going to beat around the bush. Ha ha ha, your little body's changing - it's all good, believe me. Problem now is... every time we jerk the gherkin, we got a lot of unwanted sticky white stuff everywhere, right? Right. So... first order of business: No more socks!They're expensive, gumming up the works plumming-wise. Now you might be thinking to yourself, "But, Uncle Andy, What do I do with all that Pearl Jam if I can't spew it into Mr. Sock?" Glad you asked... You can have a lovely time tugging the tiger in the shower each morning - that eliminates the need for a goo glove. But, the day is long, masturbation's fun, so unless we want to take 4 or 5 showers every day, we're gonna need some other options. So, let's start with the basics. Tissues. Perfectly acceptable backstop for all that creamy Italian. They can be rough and dry on such soft, sensitive skin and it can stick to your dick head like a ******' band-aid---Ouch. From there we move on to more lubricated flack-catchers--specifically, bananas. Step one: Peel the banana. Step two: Slip the peel over your Randy Johnson and start pitching. Now, for extra credit, warm up the peel in the microwave. Not too hot! Serious yowza. Also, olive oil, moisturizer, honey, spit, butter, hair conditioner, and vaseline can all be used for lube. In my opinion, the best lube.... is lube. So save your allowance and invest in some soon. Alright, moving on - when you tug you thomas on the toilet -ffft- shoot right into the bowl. In bed - soft t-shirt, perhaps a downy hand towel of your very own that you don't mind tossing after tossing. There's no such thing as polishing the raised scepter of love too much. It reduces stress, it enhances immune function. Also, practice makes perfect, so work on your control now, while you're a solo artist---you'll be playing some long, happy duets in the future. Okay. Class dismissed. | Said by: Andy Botwin
| Said to:To Shane about Masturbation | | Weeds Season 1 Episode: | | |
Username | | My favorite Weeds quote: | | Said by: | Said to: | | Weeds Season 1 Episode: | | |
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Username | | My favorite Weeds quote: | | Said by: | Said to: | | Weeds Season 1 Episode: | | |
Username | | My favorite Weeds quote: | | Said by: | Said to: | | Weeds Season 1 Episode: | | |
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